My semi-annual checkup with my oncologist was January 4th. A fun way to start the new year! Not. These visits are probably the hardest thing I have to do in my current life. A month prior – I had blood drawn for a special cancer marker test that takes several weeks to process and I always get the results at my checkup weeks later. The weeks leading up to the checkup are always a bit tense, more so because of COVID and the extra precautions needed to be concerned with. But the results are always the thing that has me on edge. I’d do pretty much anything for good results.
I had my annual physical in December and my bloodwork and other results were excellent so I went into the visit with more confidence that things would be OK. Nothing drastic could change in a month, right?
But here, almost 6 years after I was diagnosed, I have somehow beaten the odds of successfully being treated for Mantle Cell Lymphoma (and without needing a stem cell transplant). My mind sometimes still can’t wrap my head around the fact that I had cancer, it was Stage 4, it could have killed me before I was diagnosed, I went in to remission much earlier than expected after having chemotherapy, I did not need the planned stem cell transplant, and today I have no real lasting side effects from the treatment or cancer and in fact I am in the best health of my adult life at age 57. It’s a lot to wrap your mind around….
So the morning of the appointment – I stopped at the lab at the cancer center to have a CBC drawn and my basic vitals checked. I ask them not to tell me what my blood pressure is – it goes to stroke level while I am there. Last time I found out how high it was it made me even more anxious and then it becomes a vicious cycle of worrying. Normally when I take it at home it is somewhere between 100/60-110/70.
Then we go upstairs and wait for the bloodwork to be processed and to see the doctor. The anxiety of this time cannot be put into words. Sometimes you wait up to 2 hours to see the doctor…
Finally he comes in to the room with a “thumbs up” which immediately causes me to release all of the built up tension and breathe… He does a quick check to feel for lymph nodes and tells me I’m doing great, the marker test came back “no evidence of disease”, my CBC was good and HE DOESN’T WANT TO SEE ME FOR ANOTHER YEAR! So not only am I doing well but so well that he feels a year can go by before he sees me again! I’ve graduated to annual visits! I don’t go back until January 4th 2022.
Most of you will hopefully never know what this feels like because you won’t have had a cancer diagnosis. It is a surreal feeling to know how sick you were, know what your odds of recovery are (poor) and not only recover but be in tremendous health today. If there is such a thing as a miracle – I am one. And I am grateful. I have much more to do on this Earth and thankful I get to do it!
Happy New Year to Me!
